A fresh start

Today is my first (week) day being unemployed. Yep. In the blink of an eye my 12 weeks' redeployment period has ended and my employment has ceased.

I have to admit that I was a bit of a mess last week. Especially my last day, Friday. I hadn't told many people that I was leaving - you'd think my boss would have kept track but he came to see me at 10am asking what was happening. Competence in action, huh? (A colleague told me that I should be careful not to "burn my bridges" but if I can't be frank on this here blog then where can I?) I was in a state of constantly being on the edge of tears - and all too often slipped off that edge, mostly at inopportune moments unfortunately. My closest colleagues brought in cake and we had a small afternoon tea. I went around and said 'bye to a few of the nicer people in the building and sent an email to the rest around 3pm.

I was exhausted by the end of the day - the stress of the last several months, weeks and days was draining. I got home and Dan mentioned an email that one of our best friends had sent to a mailing list of IT folk in the Uni. It was so incredibly sweet - I'd already cried when I read it that afternoon but just having it brought up again when I was trying so hard to be composed in front of the kids and my parents caused me to break down and I had to go to another room for a good hard sob.

After that, the weekend seemed to improve. Saturday I did NO housework. Just sat around crocheting. And the usual running around with the kids for their Saturday activities. Sunday was Dan's birthday. I bought him a new computer (27" iMac - yay for spending my redundancy money before it arrives) and we went out to yum cha with his mum and sister and her husband. The afternoon was spent chatting and eating cake with my brothers and co. who were at my parents' place for the usual fortnightly tennis day. It was all very pleasant. To top it off I dragged my mother-in-law (twisted her arm, I did) to Spotlight and bought a bunch of threads (floss) for this cross-stitch pattern which I am excited about starting.

And there it is... Excited. I realised after that craft supply top-up that I wasn't sad any more. Well, still a little sad but not crying and moaning and upset any more. I am starting to get excited. I'm making plans, to do lists, thinking about the future. Thinking about craft projects that I may actually complete in a timely fashion. Thinking about cleaning up the house, sorting and de-cluttering. Spending time with the kids. More time with the kids. Reading books. Writing! I feel like a weight has finally lifted.

Of course I will probably have to go back to work at some point in time, even if it's just to satisfy the lego habit, but for now I'm happy to be a stay-at-home-most-of-the-time (still going to TAFE one day a week) mum. Happy. It's a nice feeling.

The end of Easter

Our incredibly long Long Weekend has drawn to a close and it's back to work for me tomorrow - Dan and the kids still have another day off.

The holiday has been almost epic in its length, or apparent length! The kids have been on school holidays for nearly three weeks. And we've done so much. A trip to the Australian Museum, the Royal Easter Show, birthday parties, play dates... Jam packed, I tells ya!

I hope I'll get a chance to write more about it in the next short while. There are certainly a lot of photos to be processed and uploaded.

But today I think I'll just leave with a thought from a friend. A bit of a philosophy of life, and a good one I might add. Especially now that I'm a little bit out of my "job funk"... I actually finished my resume last week. At long last.

And thus I write:

Don't judge your success by what you haven't achieved.

I need to practise this quite a bit more!


Photo of the sunrise over our local park, earlier this month.

Procrastinatin'

I've always been a bit of a world champion when it comes to putting things off. Seriously. My entire life I've never been able to shake this undesirable trait.

But I feel like today, this week, this month, it's getting a bit ridiculous. I've been trying to write my resume for four weeks now. At least. I have a shell but no details. The clock is ticking. I have ten weeks to find a new job.

Normally when I have something that big and important I find other more interesting big and urgent things to do. Like sewing quilts or knitting booties for newly arrived babies. Or any other craft.

However I'm so deep into my procrastination rut that I'm even putting off the fun stuff. Instead this weekend I did laundry. Every single item of dirty clothing or bedding washed, hung out to dry, folded and put away in cupboards. All in two days. Unprecedented.

The kitchen is clean. Dishes done and put away. I have even done the dishes from tonight already.

I rearranged some furniture in Elora's room. I vacuumed. I ironed. The house would be spotless if it wasn't for the very busy, very chaotic, very efficient little munchkins who reside in the house. And their three cousins who visited yesterday (but they did all get along so marvellously while they created havoc).

At least it's productive procrastination, right? Maybe I'll get onto the resume tomorrow.

Learnin'

This is my new home on Tuesdays for the rest of the year.




It is Building L at the TAFE Sydney Institute. The carving above the entrance says "Engineering".

I have enrolled in a Certificate II in Electronics!

Eight hours a week for one year. The "two" part of the title indicates how complex a course it is. This one has no prerequisites and few hours. It's not too involved!

Last week was our first day. Basic atomic structure and electrical properties in the morning and OH&S in the workshop in the afternoon. Pretty dry but a good easy introduction to get my brain in gear again. It's been nearly twenty years since I did any of that theory!

Gawd, I sound old. I feel it a bit. A couple of the kids in the class (and there's only six of us!) are fresh out of school. I'm nearly old enough to be their mother. They are certainly closer to my own kids' ages than mine! Eek. I think I'd better get off that train of thought. It can only lead to despair. Well, not despair, but something unhappy!

The hands on stuff in the workshop was good though, if a little scary. I would say that I have a "healthy respect" for electricity, especially after all the teacher's terrifying "anecdotes". It was great to finally get my hands on the equipment I've seen used every day in the mechanical workshop at my work!

So why electronics? I've been getting that question a lot.

Definitely fueled by work. Our electronics guy retired at the start of the year but before he left I started contemplating the possibility of taking on his role, or some of it. It turns out my work is looking for an "advanced" electronics person so I don't come close to fitting the bill (unfortunately) but the seed was planted.

My eldest brother always tinkered in electronics (how many boys do you know with oscilloscopes in their bedrooms) and eventually became an electrical engineer. I like to think (and hope) that some of that skill rubbed off onto me, and plus, it makes me think of him. I still miss him, after 12 years.

I was also inspired by another woman at Uni working in IT who did this course a few years ago. She told me about it with such relish that I never forgot it, and decided that if Jenny (that was also her name) could go do Electronics at TAFE then so could I. Perhaps I should email her to let her know how she inspired me. Perhaps I'll wait until I'm doing well enough to know that I won't flunk it!

Anyway, that's one of the many things that I've been up to of late. Getting my learnin' hat on. Gotta start somewhere!

Work - an update

A few folks have asked me how things are going with the whole work situation. I just thought I'd update y'all.

At the beginning of October we had a big meeting and determined that we would have a month of "data collection" to see just how much work was out there for my colleague and myself. That ended last week. I thought it went quite well. We were quite busy during that time and I managed to enter a fair few number of jobs into the system. We hadn't heard anything about how things were going though.

Then today, just before lunch, the manager asked me if I can attend a meeting with him and the Head of School next Monday at 3pm. Just the three of us. No indication of why, but anyone with a bit of a brain (which surprisingly includes me!) can guess that it's about "The Restructure" and my Women's Intuition tells me it ain't gonna be good news.

So, yeah. I'm about to head off on a "girl's weekend" with some other mothers from the kids' school. 48 hours of child-free, husband-free leisure time in a freshly renovated historic house in the Southern Highlands. And instead of relaxing, now it will be a stress-filled teeth-clenching grey-hair-making two day wait to find out if I have a job or not. What timing.

Snowed under

Ever get so busy and stressed that you can't get it together enough to actually get things done?

That's the way I'm feeling at the moment. At work (eep! Still struggling/fighting to keep my job!), at home (housework), at leisure (craft stuff)...

ARgh.

...

Home again. The holiday was wonderful! The journey back was nightmarish. I will write all about it soon.

But first I need to get something off my chest. It's three in the morning and I'm wide awake, unable to sleep. And I'm usually asleep by half past nine most nights and up in a couple of hours!

Today I suffered incredible disappointment, not wholly unpredicted as I got an inkling yesterday from certain mannerisms, and not life threateningly awful but upsetting nonetheless. Today the head at my workplace took me into a meeting with just the other manager and told me that in the new restructure my 0.6 FTE (full time equivalent) position was probably not needed. Lots of "It's not set in stone" type comments but one can tell by the sympathetic-not-quite-sympathetic looks and the repeated "We appreciate everything you've done for us" that the decision to get rid of me has been made. I'm not holding my hopes up, no matter what they say.

I managed to hold it together as much as I could in that meeting room. I'm quite surprised. Saved my bawling for back in the privacy of my office. What a way to come back from a wonderful family holiday.

My colleague, who will be directly affected by this considering his workload is already sky high and will have to take on all the extra work, is pretty devastated and shocked. I'm really touched by his reaction. They (the bosses) implied that they told him yesterday but not in so many words. He didn't realise just how far they were taking the restructure. He has thought of lots of things to say against the idea which he will take into his meeting with them tomorrow. He says we will fight this stupidity. I couldn't be more grateful.

But now I don't know what to do. Is it worth the fight? If a fight it will be? Do I want to stay in this place which doesn't want me? Is it time to think about a career change, something I've considered in the past? But it's a great place to work (despite the "You're fired!") and I've made the most wonderful friendships which I'm not willing to lose. The flexibility with hours has always been great... But I can't help think that my move to part-time work at the beginning of 2008 was the start of my downfall. I've never felt really discriminated against for wanting to work and raise a family before, but today I really did. I felt that being female and a mother was such a huge disadvantage to my situation and "career". I've never been overly ambitious. I thought I would be happy in the same position at work for years to come. There are other possibilities for my role at work, but when I suggested one I was met with surprise. I would be interested in looking into more training in Electronics? A girl? I don't know if I misread those raised eyebrows in my shocked and upset state, but that's the way it seems to me. They'd never even considered it but were happy to suggest it to my colleague. I'm disappointed to say the least.

So here I lie in bed tonight, thinking back to all the things I could have done differently to not be in this position now. Thinking about all the things I will need to do tomorrow to show Them that I'm not so dispensable. I've been in this place for 11 years. A third of my life! Nearly all of my working life! I've put in many more hours than necessary, than I've been paid for, but ruthlessness and The Budget prevail. It's all about the money in the end, isn't it? Not loyalty. "Thinking of the future," I was told. Whose future? I'd like to know. Certainly not mine, nor my colleagues. He'll get more money perhaps, but certainly more stress to go along with it.

So anyway, that's off my chest for now. I'm still not any sleepier though. Just "in limbo". Hoping they're wrong. But at the same time not holding any hope. Self confidence at rock bottom. Sucks to be me right now.

City to Surf - a recap

Last week I mentioned I was entering in the big race today. Well, it turns out that 80,000 people did the same thing and this morning we ran and jogged and walked 14km from the city to Bondi Beach.

I left the house this morning feeling completely unprepared, having slept fitfully and suffering a bit of sunstroke from spending a few hours in the park yesterday. My training was incomplete, my health not 100% and I was nervous as anything. I caught the train in and everywhere I looked, even at my local train station, there seemed to be people wearing sandshoes and sporting clothes. I calmed myself by knitting on the journey in. Yes, I carried a small knitting project with me. How could I not??

Got to Hyde Park in the city and there were even more crowds. The major theme for the day, obviously. Met with my brother and sister-in-law and we queued up in our starting group. The atmosphere was fun. People were excited, nervous and a little cold! Lots of cheering and clapping when the first group went off (funnily enough the winner would have crossed the finish line just as I was crossing the start. Heh).

The gun went off, the surge began and we were off. "Let's run!" my sister-in-law exclaimed and then zoom, she was off. My brother and I looked at each other and laughed and started at our own, slower pace. A steady jog.

And amazingly we kept it up the entire time. Jogged the whole way. Made it up "Heartbreak Hill" with nary a scratch. Upped the pace a little on the downward stretch around the 11km mark. No sign of Prisciilla although we kept in contact by phone a little along the way. I checked my timer as we rounded the corner to Bondi - 95 minutes. I tried to up the pace a little more (to try and beat the magic 100 minute mark) but my body wouldn't budge! Took us another ten minutes to reach the finish, but we did it. Sore but smiling! (And my incredible sister-in-law beat us in by a few minutes, even after stopping for a toilet break (and queueing for that!) half way through!)

I have to say that I am so very pleased with my effort today. I honestly did not expect to be able to do anything but walk. Having my big brother by my side was wonderful. He encouraged me and kept pace with me and made the whole experience so much more enjoyable. And knowing my sister-in-law was somewhere up in front inspired us to keep going in the (vain, it turns out) hope that we might catch up with her!

Thanks, guys! I'm really looking forward to doing it all again next year, but perhaps with a little more preparation this time!

P.S. We took some pictures with our mobile phones. I'll add them later when I get a chance.

One week to go

I don't think I mentioned that I entered the City to Surf back in June. I was feeling optimistic. There was plenty of time, it was over two months away. Plus my brother was going in it, and my sister-in-law said that it was probably his last time. How could I not go with them?

Heh. The weeks flew by incredibly fast, as they always do. The past couple of weeks I've been fending off a head cold/respiratory virus thingy that the kids have happily brought home and spread around. Cough, splutter, sniff, sneeze. I've still managed to keep it mostly at bay, but it's also meant that I've been tired, unfit and generally lazy. AND NOT TRAINING. Eep.

Now there is one week to go and I think I am even more unfit than I was when I entered. So much for my running. At least I know that I'll be able to walk it with ease!

35 years + 6 days

That's how old I am today. It was my birthday last week. On Thursday, my day off! I don't think I've ever had so many "Happy Birthday"s via Facebook and email and SMS. Thanks everyone.

But it is tinged with a little sadness, I have to say. Besides the usual "Oh gawd, I'm getting old" grumpiness that accompanies the passing years, of course. (I mean, wow! 35! I've had this blog for five and a half years! This morning on the train I saw a lady attempt to stand up for another lady who honestly didn't look that old... How long will it be before people are standing up for me? Except for those very chivalrous few.)

Today I am as old as my eldest brother ever was.

He got to 35 years + 6 days before he was killed in a car accident on his way home from work one Friday evening. "Accident" is used lightly - the driver of the semi-trailer was off his nut on methamphetamines and drove along on the wrong side of the road for a good couple of hundred metres before squashing two cars and killing their drivers instantly. In a way it was lucky that both cars only contained one person - there was ample opportunity for him to kill many more people, as I found out during the court case a couple of years later (they charged him for murder, eventually settling for manslaughter), listening to the testimonies of the 60+ witnesses.

I went through this blog and realised that even though I'd mentioned him a couple of times I'd never really talked about the tragedy which devastated our family while at the same time brought us closer together. There was only one grandchild then. Only two of us were married. I was 23.

Of course my parents still feel his loss keenly. I don't think it's something a parent would ever get over. The rest of us keep busy (there have been 9 children added to the brood since then!) but I think he is always there in the back of our minds.

I think of him when I hear/read T.S. Eliot, reminded of his patience helping me study for my final high school English exams. I thought of him the other day at work when there was talk about the "Hall effect" - some electronics/physics thing which I know he would have had no trouble explaining to me. He would be absolutely amazed at the incredible technological advances over the past twelve years. He would be horrified at my love of Apple computers and products (but possibly would have been swayed - he loved his gadgets). It's so hard to imagine what things would be like now if he was still around.

So anyway. That's the story of my eldest brother Arthur. Just thought I'd share.

Warm ankles at last

For the last few years I have been on the hunt for boots. Knee-high black flat leather boots to wear with skirts to work. Madness, I tell you! I just have NOT liked anything that I've seen (within a reasonable price range, that is... LOVE my sister-in-law's Prada boots (although they have a heel) but CANNOT afford/justify spending that much on shoes!).

But behold! I finally found a pair that I liked! And they were half price too! (From Betts.)


Yay. I am a happy Jen. A happy Jen with warm ankles in Wintery cold and wet Sydney.

Apologies for the poor quality snapped-with-an-iphone picture.

Can't shake this feeling

Thursdays I don't work. It's my day off with Elora. Our "just you and me" day. It's nice to have that day off work but having the extra time at home means that I have more time to look around and see the horrendous MESS that has accumulated during the week. Argh!

This morning it struck a nerve and I just lost it. The toys and paper and pencils and textas all over the dining room floor drove me nuts. I yelled at the boys to pick up and got out the broom to sweep up all the bits and mandarin seeds (Argh! I don't know why they just decided to put them onto the floor lately!) and now it looks a lot better.

I can almost sigh with relief, except I still have that anxious, panicky feeling and I can't shake it. Sitting down with the iPad/iPod doesn't help. Having a cup of tea hasn't helped. I'm thinking the only way I'll feel better is to make good use of this nervous energy and get to more cleaning. Even though what I WANT to do is something crafty. Perhaps I'm just feeling guilty because I just want to knit/crochet/sew when really I should be doing domestic chores.

Grr.

I think soozs put it best in her recent series of posts. Everything she wrote struck a chord with me. Working part time, trying to keep the house in order (although she cooks a lot more than me and doesn't have the incredible support that I get from my parents, and is an incredible seamstress and general crafter... But I digress), she got frustrated with her situation. Her eloquence and clarity of thoughts had me nodding my head as I read. She has come upon a solution and it seems to be working for her - more than I can say for myself.

BUT we must keep trying. One day we'll get there. Maybe?

Winter: Day 3

Lying in bed listening to the sound of the rain pummeling against the windows. It's been like this all day. Sunny, then dark, then bucketing down, then suddenly dry then sunny again. Instant downpour, like in the movies.

I can hardly believe that the week is almost over. As I get older the days go by in a blink and the weeks meld into one another. Highly frustrating at times and yet at other times I'm impatient to see what the future holds.

Just some random thoughts tonight. I hope this isn't turning into a weather journal!

Bespectacled

I've been getting headaches for a couple of months, more so in the last few weeks. Someone suggested I go and get my eyes checked. So on Tuesday I did.

And on Wednesday I picked up my new specs for reading and computer work. I do a lot of reading at home and work and a lot of computer work... I'll be wearing these a lot.

Picture taken with my computer at work - sorry for the blurriness. Or perhaps that's just my eyes??

How do I feel about this?

I'm in two minds about it. When I was a kid I always wished I had glasses. They looked cool. I liked the "smart librarian" sort of image. I had a pair of my brother's old frames (with no lenses) which I put on sometimes, just to see how it looked. (It looked extremely daggy - they were not a very nice pair of specs.)

But on the other hand, I was glad that I didn't need them. Two brothers with glasses and two parents with glasses... I was the one with perfect 20/20 vision. There was none of the inconvenience of glasses or the painful fiddling with contact lenses.

So now, I don't mind "the look"... there've been a few compliments. That's been nice. But they are a concrete sign that I'm not getting any younger, as they say. That age is catching up with me. Or maybe it's just the bad lighting in my office and too much time in front of the computer screen. I was told that eyes don't dramatically change until one is 40 and I've still got 5-ish years before then!

Oh well. I can't complain. At least the headaches have gone!

Chop, chop, chop

I recently talked about my hair and my impending haircut. Finally today was the day!

The lovely Nathan and I chatted like it had NOT been two years since we last saw each other. I think it's amazing that he can remember so much about me since really we've only met a handful of times. I started seeing him in 2004.

We didn't do much. Everyone instructed me to leave it long. I was fine with that. I like it long. Easy to style in the morning (i.e. comb my fingers through it or tie it up in a pony tail!!), makes a good scarf on cold mornings!

When I returned to work afterwards hardly anyone noticed any difference (until I pointed it out). But that's okay, I guess. Can't be too radical these days, eh?

And now the pictures. Before (taken by my colleague's iphone):


And after (taken just before putting the kids to bed - sorry for the bad lighting):

Dream, dream, dream

I don't know why I do it to myself, but every Tuesday I cannot resist looking through the inner-west property guide that comes with the herald. It's huge! With lots of pictures of unaffordable houses in the suburbs I want to live.

Today there were TWO houses I would buy instantly if I won the lottery. The mega-massive-once-in-a-lifetime-ridiculous lottery (which will NEVER happen - I know this for a fact because I never buy lottery tickets!)

The first is just down the street from Dante's best friend. How happy would he be if we moved there?? It's still a drive in to school and work, but less than half the time it currently take us. Its 6 bedrooms just might fit us and all our stuff, too.

The second is in my dream location. The area I have always loved and wished I could afford. Not as big a property as the first but in a much better location! Next to a park, with the possibility of a rooftop terrace! How cool would that be??

So, anyway, I've thrown that paper away now. There's not a chance that I'll ever have a house like these. But it's nice to dream, right?

Following the hair trail

I've got an appointment to see my hairdresser in a couple of weeks. He's a very popular guy - bookings three weeks in advance! Not exactly cheap, but I'm willing to pay the price since it's been TWO YEARS since I've paid him a visit. People have been commenting a lot lately about the length of my hair. It easily reaches to my bottom and I can wrap it around my neck like a scarf!

A bit hard to find recent photos that fully display its length. Here's one from Christmas.

Me and my Ma, Xmas 2009
So then I got curious. Trying to remember my different hair lengths over the years. Started going through old photos, pre-children...

So now I present to you some embarrassing pictures of Jen through the late '90s. Most of the pictures were taken at parties. Lots of (too much) alcohol was consumed at this time. Not many pictures to choose from (our first digital camera was a 1.2 megapixel beast which cost >$1,000! and our biggest memory card was a whopping 16Mb!) and I was pretty good at hiding from the camera. I apologise in advance.

1995 - Third year at Uni. Working at the computer lab at Uni - obviously working, if you look at the computer screen. Hair mid-long length, played with a bit of bleach. A year or two before, that bleached bit was dark blue.

1995-ish

1997-98 - or thereabouts. This was taken at a friend's 21st. Dan and I were together by then. My hair was long, long, long. Nearly as long as now. Again with the bleach and the blue.

1997-98

June 1999 - Turned 24. Got rid of the blonde bits (dyed my hair black - ha!) but still hadn't lost the bleach bug. I bleached a nice straight line across the bottom of my hair and dyed it red. Started working at my current job not long after this. They still talk about my hair sometimes! Finally found a picture.

June, 1999

Nov, 1999 - For some insane reason I decided to get my hair cut short. I guess I needed a change. I did sell it to a wig maker for $20/ounce. I got $140 for it. More than paid for the haircut. Here's the bleach again. I just couldn't let up, could I? I'd forgotten how much I coloured my hair. It wasn't that often but bleach is permanent! This pic is me at a '70s party. Hence the dress.

Nov, 1999

May, 2000 - The last big cut. Dan and I were about to head off to Egypt so I cut my hair short. Boy-short! It was nice enough on the first day, possibly the first week but afterwards, so terrible! I'll never do that again! Especially at a cheap hairdresser! This was our combined birthday/going away party. My hair is blue, but it was hairspray. It was a costume party. Monsters.

May, 2000

That concludes our trip down memory lane. Thanks for laughing as I cringed my way through that! I don't think I'll be doing anything too drastic in a fortnight's time. Winter's coming (apparently... didn't feel like it today) so I might want to keep my hair-scarf!

The tyrant mother

Hello there world. It's me again.


I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. I've missed you, blog. I've been meaning to write, honest.

The post title? Well, it's how I feel sometimes. How I felt after bedtime tonight. I feel like I'm constantly yelling at the kids. Especially that eldest boy who's big enough to argue back. Which causes me to get mad. And yell more. It's a rapidly descending spiral to the depths of... something dark and deep.

I had a great big long whingeing, whining post written in my head earlier. That's where most of my posts get written and unfortunately stay, these days. In my head. Luckily for you I'm not going to go there. I know the solution.

But I thought I'd drop in and say "Hi" anyway.

Lots happened in February. And late January. Boy, it's really been quite some time, hasn't it?

Atticus turned 5. And started school. And came off his anti-convulsant meds. All within a week. Actually, the first two on the same day. He has grown up so much that I am completely floored when I think about it. One day I'll write that post.

Elora turned 3! We had a biggish party at home. She was delightful. Now her latest "thing" is writing. She can write her name. I'll write her birthday post too, I hope.

Also, I actually got some crafting done. I made a quilt for the most beautiful Miss Holly who turned 1 on the same day that Elora turned 3. God sisters.

And the rest? Life moves on. Keeps us busy and tired.


Now for some inspiration.

Here's a blog I found today. A beautiful mother of four beautiful Eurasian kids (I'm a sucker for Eurasian kids - can you blame me?). She's happy, talented, quirky and fun. She takes such lovely photographs. And she's so young! It was one of those blogs I just wanted to immediately take in from the start. She's possibly a bit too Christian, but it doesn't come across in her blog. Hey, nobody's perfect. And her faith makes her happy, so who am I to judge? Have a look, anyway, even if it's just to see those gorgeous kiddies.

Running, running

Looking back at my archives, I don't think I've really written much about my new early morning thing... Getting up and out for a morning walk/run most weekends and every day (almost) during the christmas break.

I can't remember when exactly I started doing it but I remember that when we went away to Hawks Nest in January last year I was able to get out a few mornings and run up to the beach.


Some people (especially my night-owl-definitely-NOT-a-morning-person husband) might call me mad but I really do enjoy the solitude, peace and freshness of the early morning. The birds are busy, especially the water birds in the river which I travel alongside.


If I'm early enough (a bit harder in summer!) I can catch the sun popping up over the trees, and in winter I can glimpse frost on the grass on the particularly cool days. Not that exciting compared to those living under bucketloads of snow right now but it's not that common here in Sydney!


But now the time has come where I feel that I want to step up a bit. Today I bought an iphone application (for my ipod touch - wish I had an iphone!) to get me started. Couch to 5k is an application that helps people get moving and training (in half an hour runs, three times a week) to be able to achieve running a full 5km, over a period of 9 weeks. Actually, I bought the "Couch to 10k" app first (which seems to have only been released two days ago!) but with one hour workouts in that plan I've decided to start with the 5k and work my way up.

I'm hoping to start tomorrow morning, nice and early before there is any stirring in the house. So nice and early to bed for me tonight! I'll keep you posted.

Jingle bells and New Year stress

Christmas snuck up on us this year. There we were in October with plenty of time on our hands. The shopping centres reminded us that the festive season (high retail season) was coming soon by putting up their decorations way too soon and I think that was partly the cause of my confusion - there were still many many weeks to go!

Then November whizzed past in the blink of an eye. Dante was involved in the NSW Dept of Education Schools Spectacular where practices and early morning drop offs ruled our lives for a few weeks. Before we knew it, the month was over and it was December. End of year work stuff (projects and parties!) combined with end of school (and pre-school) activities kept us rushing around. Finally school ended and work ended (two weeks' mandatory leave) and I thought "Great! I have plenty of time to get things ready for Xmas!". How wrong I was! More parties, present shopping, house cleaning. The time dissolved and it was Christmas.

We had our usual Dan's family shin dig on Xmas eve at our place. Presents out the wazoo. I think the girl scored best, and funnily enough I'd say the hit present of the day was the toy ironing board and iron which Grandma picked up cheap at a garage sale! Dan got an espresso machine (now that he drinks coffee) amongst other things, but surprisingly (my fault!) not a lot of Lego. Everyone else got lots of fun things as well as some practical items (underwear!!). It was a good afternoon/early evening.

Xmas day was spent at my brother's newly renovated place in Glebe. Thankfully it turned out to be a cool rainy day so the kids were happy to be kept occupied by the Wii and the rest of us ate until food was leaking out of our ears. Or so it felt!

Now a week has yet again flown by. I had a couple of projects I wanted to do, not even started. And now it's New Year's Eve! Less than 6 hours left of the year! Wow. I'm a little stressed by that fact. My mind is abuzz thinking of all the things I want to do and my heart is beating a little faster with the thought that I won't get to do them.

But, after an afternoon of stressing out and being unproductive, a sudden urge hit me. Lists. I work well with lists. There's something very satisfying about crossing things off a list. Lists and deadlines are what get me going. It's a stressful way to work, but eh, at least it works... sort of. That and a "oh, bugger it! That's good enough!" attitude!

So this is my plan for the new year. No silly resolutions like last year which are pretty much a guarantee that things won't get done.

Just this. I'm writing a list of things I'd like to do. Not big things. It's all cut down into bite-size pieces. And I'm going to try to tackle one every fortnight. Every week would be great but I know not to set my goals too high because then I just get disappointed in myself.

Now after making this decision, coming to this realisation, I feel like a weight has been lifted. Every time I start to feel stressed about something I need to do, I can just add it to my list and I know that some day it will get done and won't be forgotten about! I can feel myself calming even as I write this. And I feel a bit more motivated to get on with the house cleaning - I try to have the house tidy-ish if not perfectly clean (ha!) by New Year's Eve so that we can start the new year afresh. That's the plan. That's always the plan.

Hopefully next year it will be fulfilled.

I hope you all have a great night tonight and a happy and less stressful year in 2010!