Thursday, June 01, 2006

On a cold winter's night

All three of my boys (including the bigger hairier one) are asleep in bed and now I'm here, sitting at the computer while the house is quiet and still. Even the cat is asleep by my side. And it's not even 10 o'clock!

I don't know about you but when I'm alone and feeling a little unwell and it's cold and dark, I tend to feel a little down. I start thinking about the past, and the things that I regret doing, and the things I regret not doing. People tell you to live a life where you don't regret anything you've done, but I just don't know how someone can do that and still be human. Everyone makes mistakes and wrong decisions, don't they?

So, of course, I started thinking about past relationships, my first boyfriend. And how I met him. And suddenly my mood has lifted a little and I think about things that I don't regret. For instance, I met my first boyfriend through an old schoolmate of my brother's, Paul. I honestly don't know how Paul and I got talking, but we discovered that we had similar tastes in music and in fact Paul was a wonderful influence on both me and my first boyfriend in terms of music. He had a fantastic music collection (which we borrowed from... damn I wish the mp3 format had been invented back then (or if it had, that I knew about it and had good tools to use it, like iTunes and iPods now)). Paul took me to my first Billy Bragg gig. I will always remember it! I was under age so had to use a dodgy fake ID to get into the pub. My parents were quite strict so I had to pretend that I was staying at a friend's house (I got busted in the end but that's just part of the experience). I had my first scotch and coke. And I first met Rob. We didn't talk much at all that night - he was really shy. But it was the start of a friendship which eventually turned into a relationship. And I can't regret that.

On that note, I might go and do some ironing... or the dishes. Or I could just snuggle up in bed and read one of my many books. Yeah, I think the latter wins!


Anonymous said...

Regrets? I've had a few...

Anonymous said...

Life is full of regrets. " If only I had gone left instead of right, if only I had given that girl/boy more attention. If only I had stayed away!"
I think life is full of regrets one way or the other, but to regret an experience of love for other people would limit the experience and the ability to learn in this lifetime. If you regret and decide not to experience the full scope of human emotions available to ourselves as wonderous human beings, how do you know or not if you are missing out on life's beautiful lessons that you needed to develop further. Try and listen to your conscience and take the path that your conscience dictates, either bad or good, right or wrong, as you may regret it even more for having missed this learning opportunity? If lessons, make you feel bad and leave you regretful just remember that the lesson may have positive impacts on you as a person. Just take this as an example. Why do so many people who help the down and destitute, or the people involved in drug rehabilitation, have been in similiar circumstances themselves. It appears that they needed to learn the bad to enable to move forward and do good. Would anyone regret them experiencing the bad things in life now that they are an inspiration to all. I think we appreciate their experiences more in knowing that they have been in the same situation. So if love and the opportunity to learn from it presents itself, listen to your conscience as it is God's guiding light on this earth.